5 Days After the Decision

Wow, who knew adoption could be so complex, beautiful, yet sometimes laced with corruption and oh, so much heartbreak? After Day 1 of research, I felt hopeful and excited. Day 2 brought about a feeling of being assaulted by the Internet, thousands of posts, blogs, websites, forums....get me out of here! I could not sleep. Then in my quiet times the Holy Spirit shows me that God is my trust, my hope, and He goes before us in this journey. He already knows.

"In peace I will both lie down and sleep."

Psalm 4:8

We can rest assured that He will guide us to this little one, that He will guide a mom to us! Is it hard? Yes! Will it be emotional? Yes! But

"Blessed are those whose trust is in the Lord, whose trust IS the Lord.

For he will be like a tree planted by the water, who extends its roots by a stream

and will not fear when the heat comes.

But its leaves will be green,

and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit."

Days 3 and 4 lead us to think we'll pursue this adoption independently. And we believe she might be Hispanic, maybe somewhere here, maybe in CA or TX....Oh, Lord, where is she? My heart is already breaking for her mom, who has to carry a child, knowing that this baby was not in the plan, and staying awake at nights wondering what to do. Staying awake just like me, wondering what I can do, where I can find her. I don't know...yet.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Psalm 143:7